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Tuesday, February 07, 2012
My parents brought home a maid the other day, and she calls me "girl". The first time I heard it I got damn shocked cos I was about to turn 19 and some random stranger calls me "girl". It's been 5-6 days since she came and started calling me "girl", I'm 19 already, I'm still not used to this and I still get shocked everytime she calls me "girl". Because the last time anyone really saw me as a girl was a long time ago, save for those coffeeshop aunties/uncles. Scratch that, it's more like the last time anyone at home really saw me as a girl was a long time ago. And hence, this whole being called "girl" at home on a daily basis is a foreign thing to me at this moment in my life. Let's face it, I'm 19 and I'm old.

Anyway, regarding this whole maid thing... I feel like I've lost my freedom. The freedom I've had for the past 2 months, being alone at home almost everyday, blasting my music and my movies/tv shows whenever I want, doing my own thing whenever I want without anyone watching me. But now the maid is EVERYWHERE and she constantly cleans up my room even though I mess it up everyday and I wish she'd stop cos I don't like this neatness and I'm a possessive control freak who wants control/possession over my own space and things. Anyway, I don't hate her or anything even though it might have sounded like it. It's just that I'm not used to having a maid around the house and I'm not used to having someone constantly being in the house. But in a larger sense, my whole point out of all this ranting is that I need my own space without anyone interfering or watching or judging me. Basically, like a true hipster, I just need to do my own thing.

I just found out recently that I'm what other people would call a "hipster". Based on Urbandictionary and Verbal Vomit's definitions and descriptions of hipsters. Okay lah, I'm not a true hipster since I don't listen to completely obscure bands that my local homestore record store promotes (because unlike US, Singapore doesn't have a music scene or even record stores for that matter :O with the exception of chains like That CD Shop, Gramophone and HMV which God knows has been going down the drain these days). Also, I will never turn vegan or drink chai tea or whatever herbal-infused teas hipsters are supposed to drink; I will also forever and always listen to radio-friendly music like Jason Mraz and John Mayer and Snow Patrol and Coldplay and The Killers. But I do like things that are different from what most people like. Also I like being different. As much as I like finding people who like the same things I do, sometimes I get annoyed when a close friend starts liking the band/song/whatever I always talk about. Or when the radio starts playing my band/song and suddenly everyone is into the same band/song. Like I said above, I'm a possessive control freak who likes liking things no one else likes; so when people start liking abovesaid things after I start liking them, I get super annoyed cos I feel like the world's caught on to me and I lose my originality and suddenly everyone's into the same things that I am. On the other hand, if people have liked the same music as I do before I've met them, then only am I okay with not being the "original", "indie" one. Okay yes I'm a snobby possessive control freak. This is probably why I don't have friends who listen to the same music as me HAHAHAHAHA, how ironic since this is what I've always looked for.

Anyway, in other news! Tonight I had dinner with Mao Court and QY at Timbre @Substation! Followed by dessert at Food For Thought (omg their red velvet cake is really the best) which means that I can finally cross those 2 off my long "Food places to check out" list. Also finished reading The Great Gatsby and Dance Dance Dance . I'm currently halfway through Franny and Zooey. I'm reading a lot, this is good. These days, it seems like I'm more into books than music. Which is bad cos I keep spending money on books :( HAHA books and music, they're the things I spend the most money on how geeky. I've also finally finished watching OC season 1!!! I'm starting on season 2 now yay hairpee girl because I really love the show. And Seth Cohen. But above all, the OC music is amazeballs :)

I've been making lists: of things to do before I die, places I wanna travel to, things I wanna learn, places in SG I wanna explore, food places I wanna check out, books I wanna read, bands I wanna listen to, shows I wanna watch. I think I should stop bumming around at home and live out some post-A Level adventures. Meanwhile, I'm still waiting for NHB's reply after they've emailed me several times regarding different documents. And while I really want this, I can't wait around forever doing nothing. Yet I'm still the type of person who dreams but doesn't take any action. Let's hope my adventure plans work out this time, it's been too long.

Oh yes, I was reading this Anthro book today and it said "Manchester United is virtually the home team of Singapore" HAHAHAHAHAHA HOW TRUE IS THIS. Also tragic. Singapore sucks. And I really miss football. Thierry Henry my hero is back in Arsenal and I don't get to watch him these days :( Also there are all these hot new young footballers that I don't even know anymore, adding to my feeling of obsolete-ness these days :( OMG MY OBSOLETE-NESS. I was reading Murakami's Dance Dance Dance and I totally relate to the protagonist:

“Maybe it’s because after all this time I think that really good songs - or really good anything - they’re hard to find.” I said. “Like if you listen to the radio for a whole hour, there’s maybe one decent song. The rest is mass-produced garbage. But back then I never thought about it, and it was great just listening. Didn’t matter what it was. I was a kid. I was in love. And when you’re a kid you can relate to anything, even if it’s silly.”"

This is me, you guys. It explains why I'm stuck with my same old music, the music I listened to growing up. Especially music from 2004-2007, because those were the years I was really discovering and falling in love with music. Bands like Snow Patrol and The Killers whom I will love for life. Another protagonist I relate to is Owen Wilson's character in Midnight In Paris, who constantly craves for Paris in the 1920s even though he's just a 30-year-old dude in 2010. I swear, he's my soulmate from another era! Because I'm constantly craving for the 1960s (back in the summer of '69~~) even though I'm just a 19-year-old kid. Mehhhhhh, I swear all my soulmates are fictional characters just like Seth Cohen and JGL in (500) Days Of Summer. FOREVER ALONE, YOU GUYS :'(
11:20 PM;



Sunday, February 05, 2012
19 years of being, wow. I feel old. And infinite, somehow. Like I'm older and wiser, and more sure of who I am and what I like. Also, my friends make me feel infinite. Whether I'm close to them or not, the fact that they bother about my birthday, the fact that I'm fortunate enough to even know them - makes me grateful for all these little relationships I have. Because relationships are so transient. One year, your friends texts you to wish you a happy birthday; next year, the same friend writes on your fb wall to wish you a happy birthday; 2 years later and the person doesn't wish you at all. Of course, I'm grateful for anyone who wishes me at all - through text, whatsapp, twitter, fb, face to face. But most of all, I'm especially thankful for those who keep texting me every year without fail (or whatsapp, starting from this year) and those who celebrate my birthday with me through meals or shopping or whatever. Yesterday, the SD4 girls surprised me!!! With lunch + dinner + flea + shopping + a huge-ass board with handwritten notes. But I lost all them notes :(:(:(:(:(:(:( Only one was left by the time I reached home, I think they all fell through the huge-ass plastic bag somehow and were all scattered along Orchard Road. I'm damn sad :(:(:(:(:( And I didn't even get to read them! But on the bright side, I still have the huge-ass board and one handwritten note left.

So, I'm 19. I'm jobless, crush-less, loveless. I was reflecting about this and feeling sad when the clock turned midnight, but now... I just feel so infinite. I'm 19, it's my year to shine. The last year I get to be an angsty/lazy/irresponsible teenager, the year I discover more about myself and grow into a young adult. Of course, being the idealistic me, I have huge hopes for this year. By the end of the year, heck even in a month's time, when I get back my A Level results, I'll probably be largely disappointed with 19. But I'm 19 tonight, I feel infinite and I can dream.

I was telling my dad about how I felt old, and he promptly replied "Bullshit lah." I wonder how my parents feel, to be almost 60. I wonder how people in their 80s/90s feel. About life, about youth, about death, about age. It's like, growing up and growing old is an inevitable thing right. Dying is an evitable thing. Yet why do people mourn others' deaths, why do people, from centuries/civilisations past, preserve memories/belongings/bodies of dead people and even try to bring them back to life? Okay I sound so morbid here, but my point is, what do other people think about life and what it means??? It's all a mystery to me and I wish I could like, interview people of different ages, different faiths, different ethnicities, different beliefs and find out what they think of the world/human beings. All these thoughts make me wanna go into uni now now now, and study all these interesting things about the world I've never learnt before. Yes I'm a geek, all I wanna do is study; so sue me. But then I think of A Level results, and the possibility that I couldn't even study what I wanna study, siannnnnnnn.

Death Cab's Stay Young, Go Dancing makes me feel infinite. As does Stereophonics' Dakota and Oasis' Don't Look Back In Anger and The Killers' Mr Brightside. I like this feeling, feeling infinite. Also, I'm thinking of taking up either French or drumming again since I'm jobless and purposeless and I don't wanna learn driving. Also, I hope I can explore more of Singapore before A Level results come out and I get all depressed. I've been exploring some more of Chinatown, the place is filled with endless amazing goodness. Of Chinese culture, of history, of different religious places, of indie shops/cafes. I really really really love Chinatown. And the cute old Chinese men who sit in the Chinatown market on Sunday mornings drinking beer and playing chess and catching up with old friends. Old men are cute :> As are small boys.

Death Cab is making me feel incredibly infinite as the night goes by and 19 starts to settle in.
10:56 PM;